1. Do not argue with an idiot.
He will drag you down to his level
and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.
But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound.
This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,'
and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal ideas from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career.
Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says,
'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a beer gut,
and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman.
Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness,
but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling
and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first
and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian
any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.

"This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."

George Bernard Shaw

"My friend told me I was delusional. I almost fell off my unicorn!"

“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people
are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of
confidence.”

― Charles Bukowski

When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross. -Sinclair Lewis.

"And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in."
— Haruki Murakami